On changing my thought process

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Everyone can benefit from change in their lives, especially when it comes to changing your frame of mind regarding your outlook. I often find myself comparing my self to others and pondering why I am not where they are? For I too have a the same drive and intelligence… yet everyone around me seems to be in a better place.

It is true that I cannot change my health issues or the harsh circumstances I faced as opposed to most people I know but I always felt that my drive to strive for the highest accomplishments was enough to get me where I wanted to go in life.

I never was the jealous type… nor did I care for material things I saw others had because I knew that with persistence and hard work I too one day would be able to attain all that.

Now in my late twenties that fire no longer roars inside of me. I have been torn to shreds fighting an illness for all of my twenties, for which I still do not have a proper diagnosis. I often find my self envying others. Not for the material wealth but for the simple fact that they were able to achieve their goals and are living the life that I want for myself.

Lately it occurred to me that I do not give my self enough credit for all that I have accomplished in my life. I graduated from school despite my illness. I have grown and helped my husband, who I have dated since high school, grow into a wonderful man. In addition to his hard work, I have been the driving force behind his success.

I have been a pillar for my younger siblings and am still my mothers companion. I try to see her a few times a week. Without a car she is unable to go anywhere or make any friends who speak her language.

Maybe my purpose was different after all. Maybe its greater than what I had planned. I get to spend endless time with my mother and younger sister. That counts for something. If I were in school or working I would not be able to provide my lonely mother with the company she so much needs and deserves after a life committed solely to her children.

Of course recognition is only the first part of the process… Now to actually change my frame of mind to believe in what I know to be right will take time. I guess that is the second part :).

cheers.

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