I often find my self putting things off for the “perfect moment” but recently I have learned that there is no such thing as the “perfect moment” or “perfect timing” or anything perfect for that matter.
My type A personality always strives for perfection but this is also where my downfall comes into play. I have to learn to just accept each moment as it is and get whatever I need to get done started and over with as opposed to waiting for the right time.
Nothing in life is perfect thus, it seems foolish now to think that things must wait for the right moment. Why not start now? Why not use the moment at hand rather than wait for the one coming up…? After all we don’t know what the future holds. What if you have missed the perfect moment waiting for the perfect moment?
It takes time to change one’s thought process and I am striving to do just that. Great quote.
It is good to take a deep breath once in a while and just pause and shut your brain off and just feel… Feel what is around you. Take it all in and enjoy the moment. You will find something good in everything by just allowing your self to feel and connect with your environment and with your self.
I have realized that the little things make me the happiest. My morning glories climbing up the railing… driving with my windows down and music on, feeling the wind on my face and in my hair… the evening breeze while I walk… my mothers smile or the excitement of my husband when he first sees me… painting my nails a different colour or seeing my favourite ice cream in fridge!
I can sometimes be materialistic… I love getting expensive presents for my husband for special occasions… usually things I have been pinning for… But I have realize that those things bring me immediate gratification and happiness not necessarily long term happiness. I wear things for a while and then store them to “preserve” them or put them in a safe place… whats the point?
Although my love for sparkly things will continue… I have if nothing, least recognize where true happiness lies. And that is with the people you love and the simple things that make you feel connected to your surroundings and your soul.
Sometimes we spend too much time planning and plotting but we do not take into account one simple concept: life, It happens. Whether it be an illness or a tragedy or loss of job or some other big life event.. life just happens.
Over the last few months I have been learning to let go of what I held on to so tight…for too long… my goals that I dreamed about all my life, which have been on hold for over a few years now thanks to my health…
But I realized that it is not me who was not able to achieve, as I consider my self to be an intelligent, hard working woman. It were my circumstances that stood in my way. This realization has helped somewhat cope with what feels like a huge loss… loss of my intelligence of my pride and loss of my passionate drive.
It is life though… Can’t blame anyone including myself. And it is time that I recognize that what is will be and I just have to accept and find another goal or another dream… For it is better to keep dreaming than to keep loathing over the broken dreams.
When I was in high school, the days of msn, I was sharing a glimpse of the struggles I was facing with a friend of mine.
He said: ” you are so strong”. I responded: ” I am not strong, I just pretend to be strong.” To which he responded “well isn’t that what being strong is? Holding it together with a smile on your face when everything is falling apart?” I was at a loss of words, which was unusual for me.
It was a huge realization on my part and although I am no longer in touch with the person, his words really stayed with me.
I did not realize that what I thought was just pretending to be strong was my actual strength. I learned then, to never underestimate my strength and resilience as a person.
Thus, it is important to give your self credit for putting a smile on your face when you are not happy and and for “pretending” to be strong when you feel like you are not because that is real strength :).
Sometimes, without our acknowledgement, our past or present or the worry of the future unknowingly create barriers that make it difficult for us to make room for others in our lives and in our hearts.
Whether it be a bad break up… or in my case witnessing a horrible marriage, or meeting future goals and being too busy in the present to achieve those future goals, are all barriers that hold us back from one of the most important and basic of human needs and desires: the desire to love and be loved.
If you are lucky, like I was, someone understanding, patient, kind and persistent comes along and breaks down those walls and teaches you to trust and love despite what you have experienced or witnessed in the past. But often we have to be open and receptive to the idea for it to work out.
When “looking for love” it never hurts to stand back and self examine to ensure that we are open and ready to devote the time and energy to receive and to give love to someone else.
Everyone can benefit from change in their lives, especially when it comes to changing your frame of mind regarding your outlook. I often find myself comparing my self to others and pondering why I am not where they are? For I too have a the same drive and intelligence… yet everyone around me seems to be in a better place.
It is true that I cannot change my health issues or the harsh circumstances I faced as opposed to most people I know but I always felt that my drive to strive for the highest accomplishments was enough to get me where I wanted to go in life.
I never was the jealous type… nor did I care for material things I saw others had because I knew that with persistence and hard work I too one day would be able to attain all that.
Now in my late twenties that fire no longer roars inside of me. I have been torn to shreds fighting an illness for all of my twenties, for which I still do not have a proper diagnosis. I often find my self envying others. Not for the material wealth but for the simple fact that they were able to achieve their goals and are living the life that I want for myself.
Lately it occurred to me that I do not give my self enough credit for all that I have accomplished in my life. I graduated from school despite my illness. I have grown and helped my husband, who I have dated since high school, grow into a wonderful man. In addition to his hard work, I have been the driving force behind his success.
I have been a pillar for my younger siblings and am still my mothers companion. I try to see her a few times a week. Without a car she is unable to go anywhere or make any friends who speak her language.
Maybe my purpose was different after all. Maybe its greater than what I had planned. I get to spend endless time with my mother and younger sister. That counts for something. If I were in school or working I would not be able to provide my lonely mother with the company she so much needs and deserves after a life committed solely to her children.
Of course recognition is only the first part of the process… Now to actually change my frame of mind to believe in what I know to be right will take time. I guess that is the second part :).